wrigley field is MILF paradise
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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