She said her name was "party"
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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