I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
