So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
