that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
