3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
