Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
