Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
