You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
