Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
