If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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