I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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