dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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