Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
