Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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