Those balls look pretty dangerous.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Randomize
