So drunk its hurt
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Terrible idea I love it
Randomize
