i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
