Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
