if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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