Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(404): View more from Georgia

We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.

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(903): View more from Texas

Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.

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(919): View more from North Carolina

I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.

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(217): View more from Illinois

my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever

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(602): View more from Arizona

This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.

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(703): View more from Virginia

FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.

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