Grow some girl-balls and come out already
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
