Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
