Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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