Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
