Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
