I need to stop coming to work sober
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
