Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
