he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
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