The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
