So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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