He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
