that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
