This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
