I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
