What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
