So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Houston, we have a squirter
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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