this boner is exhausting
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
