Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Randomize
