Where are you?
In a non slutty way
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
