I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
