we have officially lost it.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
