I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I just googled if crying burns calories
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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