and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
