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What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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