I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Randomize
