My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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