I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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