i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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