No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
You ate ashes out of my bong
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
