2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
