He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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